If you are a mother and are reading this and struggling with guilt or shame because “breastfeeding wasn’t easy”, “I failed at breastfeeding”, “I give formula sometimes”, “I can’t get my baby to latch”, “I only breastfed for… And I wanted to breastfeed for…”
Put the shame down. Put the guilt down. They have no place in your life.
If the guilt, shame or fear are causing you to avoid seeking help with breastfeeding problems or if they’re causing you to avoid trying to breastfeed again with another child…
Put the shame down. Put the guilt down. They have no place in your life.
Breastfeeding might be “natural”, but the truth is that in this society it’s become anything but. Very few countries have the culture of breastfeeding.
Primates in captivity struggle with tasks like breastfeeding too. Why? Because primates and humans learn from SEEING. We don’t see women breastfeed in this culture (unless we’re very lucky).
Almost every woman in this society that gives birth will find herself reinventing the wheel of breastfeeding to some degree. We don’t see it. We don’t talk about it in detail, or if we do we focus on the wrong aspects. “It hurt so I quit”. “My milk didn’t come in after I gave birth, so I gave formula”. We focus on the pain but not the solutions. The failures but not the reasons.
It’s a shame. Because almost every breastfeeding problem has a solution. A solution that’s not easy to find.
It’s a shame. Because almost every woman who has been through pregnancy has also been through tremendous pressure to breastfeed. But once the baby’s out, the pressure to breastfeed stays constant and the level of support varies tremendously. Finding help and resources is HARD. Getting past the idea that “this is supposed to be natural” is HARD. Swallowing our pride and asking for help is HARD because we’re supposed to “know how to do it”.
The truth is, statistics show that most women give birth expecting/wanting to try to breastfeed. By the time that woman has left the hospital- usually before her milk is even supposed to have come in, a lot of those women are formula feeding exclusively. This is not because of a failure on mom’s part. It’s because of misinformation that has propagated through our doctors, our nurses, our hospitals, our pediatricians, and through the women in our country.
Don’t feel guilty. It’s more normal to struggle than not.
Put aside the guilt. Seek information. Read kellymom.com . Join communities like Cafemom and talk to other breastfeeding moms in the groups there. Lurk at reddit/r/breastfeeding . Get the book “So That’s What They’re For” by Janet Tamaro. Read. Talk. You’re not SUPPOSED to know how to do this. Not in this society. It’s confusing. There’s contradicting information everywhere. Read. Seek. Consume. Try.
If your baby is already 6 months old and bottle fed and you’re reading this because you feel guilt.. If your baby’s 18 years old and long past the breastfeeding age.. If you blame yourself.. If anyone has ever had the gall to blame you.. Read. Inform yourself. It’s not useless information. You’ll see where others sabotaged you or failed you, and you’ll see that YOU did not fail. You were failed by those that should have helped you.
And please.. Please be gentle with yourself. You’re not a failure. This stuff is hard.
