“I’m afraid I won’t be able to breastfeed because my breasts are sexual”

One of the common and very very sad questions that I see often on the breastfeeding forum where I’m a moderator is a woman worrying over whether she will be able to breastfeed because she feels her breasts are sexual, and because she gets sexual pleasure when her husband/boyfriend/lover touches them.

Breasts have no sexual function. Their only direct link to human sexuality is that they are a reproductive organ in that once we have reproduced, we use them to nourish our offspring.

Breasts are sexual to us and sensual to us for a few reasons.

One being that they have been heavily sexuality by the media. The public image of the breast is often one of sexuality, not nurturing. This is a PR issue, not an actual indication of the biologically appropriate use of the breast. But the sexualization of the breast by media and public perception is something that fortunately really only effects males directly.

What effects women directly is the sensuality of the breast. They’re sensitive. They’re soft. It feels good to have them touched. When our lover touches them gently and in a sexual way, it’s like any other erogenous zone. The spot of skin behind your ear, the nape of your neck, the inside of your thigh. These areas are sensitive, and when your lover kisses them, blows air across them, brushes against them, or otherwise touches them in an erotic or subtle way, they can turn you on quite intensely.

If, however, your child or a friend’s child or even an adult that you’re not attracted to.. Or heck, even if your lover were to come over and start poking you rhythmically in that area behind your ear, the back of your neck, or even your breast.. You’re not going to be turned on. Why?

Because part of what makes those spots sensual is the TYPE of touch. This is why a clumsy lover is going to have a hard time turning anyone on. Because the type of touch is part of where the erotic power comes from. Even your husband, who you are attracted to, is going to have a hard time turning you on by tugging on your earlobe. Even if your earlobe is super-sexually charged. It’s the wrong type of touch. When you breastfeed it is GOING to be the wrong type of touch. Nursing is a rhythmic motion. It doesn’t really touch the nipple so much as it touches the areola. It compresses and stretches and tugs. It doesn’t tease, it doesn’t flick, it doesn’t have any light or subtle touches. It’s strong. It’s rhythmic. It’s most definitely not sexual or sensual.

The other part of the erotic power comes pheromones. Your lover has pheromones that you find attractive and that arouse you sexually. When your baby nurses, the pheromones that your baby puts out are NOT going to be sexual. They’ll encourage nurturing, bonding, snuggling, feeding, comforting, etc.

The other part of the erotic power comes from the relationship that your lover and you have. You have expectations of sexual activity from him. This means that the idea of him may arouse you even if he’s not touching you and is not near enough to you for pheromones to take effect. Your expectations of a child or your infant are not going to be sexual. You’ll expect them to snuggle, to cry, to poop in their diapers, and to sleep a lot. (Except for when you want sleep, then you can expect them to be awake a lot.)

It is VERY unlikely that you will experience sexual arousal while breastfeeding your infant, even if you have experienced sexual arousal when a lover has suckled on your breasts. The two things are very very different.

And even if you end up one of the extremely rare women that feels a flutter of arousal while breastfeeding an infant, it doesn’t mean that breastfeeding is wrong or bad. You’re responding to a touch in a sensitive area, not to your child. Your body and your mind most likely just need a short time to adapt and get used to the new use of your breasts. Give it time. Be gentle with yourself. Some women experience orgasms during childbirth, this doesn’t mean that childbirth is sexual. Chances are that after your nipples get a little bit raw from that initial stretching out that breastfeeding brings, and then toughen up from nursing, that aroused feeling won’t be there anymore.

After 3 years and almost a month, I am no longer a breastfeeding mom.

My son nursed twice the day before yesterday, and yesterday he weaned himself.

I always thought that would be a bit more of a gradual process, you know. One of those things where after a few weeks I’d realize “Oh, wow. I don’t remember the last time he nursed”. It was.. Interesting.

My son was down to nursing once or twice every few days, going as long as 3 days without nursing. The day before yesterday, he nursed twice and I was thinking he was getting back into nursing again or something. Then yesterday he asked to nurse, leaned in, got a confused look on his face like he didn’t quite understand something, paused.. And kissed my nipple instead. Then he asked “Other side, Mahmie?” for the last time, kissed that nipple, pulled my shirt down, and asked to play a computer game again.

If he asks to nurse again, of course it’s there for him. But there was something very final about the whole thing that makes me think that was his way of saying he was done, moving on.

So in the past 5 days I’ve gone from having a breastfeeding and diaper-wearing little boy, to a self-weaned and underwear-wearing big boy.

Wow.

After 3 years and almost-a-month, it feels weird to no longer be a breastfeeding mom. I’m going to stick around here and continue posting (obviously) but.. Wow.

Last night after I put my son to bed, the meaning of that last “Other side, Mahmie?” hit me out of nowhere. Hearing that from him for what is very likely the last time.. The final real transition of baby to child.

Over the past three years, the different ways he asked to nurse or to change sides have changed from rooting around, to pointing, to grabbing, to making a face, to signing, to asking in a sweet little baby voice “nursh?”, and “other side?”

What a journey.

I’m happy-sad. Honestly, I’ve been sort of wanting/ready to wean (for my own reasons) since my son was around 18 months old or so, but being a firm believer in self weaning, I never really pushed him. I’m coping with a bit of grief over the knowledge that he very likely did not fully self wean and that it was circumstances that pushed him this final step… But even if I would hesitate to say it was fully a self weaning, it was gentle. It was slow. It was up to him. And he was the one that closed the door at the end, said his goodbyes. So I’m happy.

Just part of me is blindsided by the meaning of this particular transition. Something that has been a steady part of my role as his mother since the first hour after his birth, is no longer there. I didn’t expect to have that sadness. It’s.. Sort of nice. I understand now so much more all the things that mothers go through. How they can cry at kindergarten graduations, and at each step of leaving babyhood behind. And how it’s not so much sad as it is this happysad thing that must just run deep in the soul of mothers, eh?

The “One Ounce Per Hour” rule of bottle feeding during mom/baby separation

I’ve heard a lot of moms say that they are anxious about the one-ounce-per-hour rule of feeding a breastfed infant while separated from mom. I understand it. I was anxious as a new mom, too, and wanted to leave MORE than my baby needed because it hurt to leave him and I wanted to make sure he would be happy and satisfied while I was away.

The thing is.. It’s not starving your baby and it’s not letting your baby go hungry. It’s something your baby is already used to. The supply in your breasts is not static. It goes up and down across the day. Your baby is already used to this.

Your baby eats the same amount every day. (A bit more during growth spurts- but this should happen at mom’s breast, since her supply has to scale.) This amount for breastfed babies averages out to 25oz/day with some babies eating as little as 19oz/day. Your supply is not static across the day, it increases and decreases across the day, so baby learns to nurse more during high supply hours, and less during low supply hours (which are typically in the evening)

What the one ounce per hour rule does is it encourages baby to view the bottle feeds as “low supply”, and mom-feeds as “high supply” and baby nurses more with mom and less with the bottle. Baby’s needs are met, not exceeded. More than one ounce per hour means baby finds bottle = high supply, breast = low supply, and starts fussing for more bottle, less mom. This means mom is stuck pumping HUGE amounts of milk.

This causes problems because the pump is ineffective. It’s like trying to siphon water out of a well with a drinking straw. It’s tedious, it’s boring, it’s a pain in the butt. Mom’s breasts let down easily to an eager baby, and noooot so well to a pump. 1-2oz per pumping session is actually EXCELLENT output. So if baby is downing 2oz/hour or more than one ounce/hour? Mom would have to pump constantly at work to make up for it.

Better to convince baby that the bottle has a rotten supply and that it’s easier to gorge off mom. Easier on mom, easy enough on baby, and baby’s needs are more than met with the ounce per hour.

Strike That.

I posted my heartbroken journal post to a group of militant breastfeeding moms that I’m part of. I received a lot of sympathy, empathy, and supportive comments.

Two women, however, responded with a simple question: Would you stop hugging your son simply because hugging would make separation that much harder?

This is why I belong to this group. Because they have taught me something very valuable. When a mom is crying and at the end of her rope, and sees no hope for anything but weaning.. Ask her if there is any way that she can possibly continue. Offer options. Offer support. Offer comfort. Offer advice.

These moms, in most groups, would be criticized of bashing. Not for any reason other than the fact that they- from their non-emotional vantage point- can see solutions that may not be apparent to the mother who has broken down under the stress of it all.

They simply reminded me that toddlers that are at the end of their breastfeeding relationship often go 2, 3, 4 days or even a week or two without nursing. They simply reminded me that there will be inconsistencies between the parenting that my son receives from me, and the parenting that he would get from my husband. Maybe my husband would prefer to practice CIO, and let my son cry himself to sleep. Will that mean that I will have to let my son cry it out when he’s with me? No. Maybe my husband would prefer to not respond every time my son cries for a minor hurt. Would that mean that I should be less responsive as well? No.

I will be the mother that my son has always known. I will respond to him as I have always responded to him. If he asks to nurse, I will nurse him. I’m not weaning. He can wean himself, as I have always intended and as I have always promised. I’m not changing my parenting style. My son has lost enough through this whole thing. When he is with me, he will be with the mother and parent that he has always known.

I can give him that.

And I’m so very very grateful for the women that reminded me of this. I’m grateful for everyone who has offered me the support and kind words. I’m grateful for everyone who has done for me what I have asked everyone to do for other mothers: Support them. Mother them. Be there for them when they’re hurting, because motherhood is not easy.

Thank you. All of you.

I’m Weaning My Son (Divorce is Hell.)

Updated- Strike that. Not weaning. I will be my son’s consistent parent. I can promise him that. After writing the post below, I received many supportive comments and emails and replies, including some that helped me realize that weaning is not necessary. What I wrote below is still here for archive reasons, but no longer applies.

Best laid plans can’t hold up to divorce and the havoc of custody situations.

I’m weaning my son. Something I never thought I’d say. We all know how much I believe that “weaning” is something that the child does, and not the parent. Unfortunately, breastfeeding is not always as important to the father as it is to the mother and the child. And unfortunately, breastfeeding is not always as important to the courts as it is to the mother or the child.

We’re delaying. We’re trying alternatives to nursing. We’re slowly reducing the duration of nursing sessions. I’ve purchased a lovey for my son, and we snuggle this little bear together. I talk about how the mommy and he picked out the bear together, and how the bear can be with him, even when mommy can’t be.

I realize that I could fight all of this. And I plan on it. How can I not? I realize that this is very much not what I believe is best for my son. I realize this. I realize that divorce and a move make this the worst possible time to make such a major life change for my son. And it makes me angry and sad. In an ideal world, I’d like my soon-to-be-ex husband to say “I understand how important this is to our child.” In an ideal world, I’d like for him to say that we’ll work together to find a way to do this as gently as possible. In an ideal world I’d have never married someone who would take the simple statement “We need to do this gently” as an insinuation that breastfeeding is somehow more important than spending time with the other parent.

We do not live in a perfect world.

So I’m weaning. So that if he needs to cry, he can cry in my arms. If we need to wean, we’ll do so as slowly and gently as is possible. I do not know how much time we have. And that kills me. I don’t know if we’ll be separated at all. And that kills me. I don’t know what the courts will decide. And that kills me. I may be weaning him for nothing. Or I may not have enough time to wean him gently, even having started now.

I do not know. I just do not know.

And that kills me.

I won’t let on, though. Instead, I’ll be excited for the fun that he’ll have. I’ll talk his dad up, and when it’s time I’ll let him go with a smile. I’ll swallow my stress and my grief and I’ll put on that happy face. And then, when he’s gone, separated from me for the first time, I’ll sit alone much like I’m sitting now, and cry my eyes out.

I hate this. I really, really, seriously hate this.

(I’m sorry, sweetheart. Mama loves you. I’m sorry I’m going to have to push you away like this during the time where you need me the most. I just can’t see any alternative, and if it has to happen, I want to be there for you. I want to make sure that you’re getting the emotional support you need.)

Studies With Poor Conclusions

A recent study shows that getting enough sleep may reduce the risk of postpartum depression.

Sign me on… Or not. Apparently they have decided that this study means that mothers should either pump or give their babies formula at night. No mention was made of co-sleeping, or of sleeping when the baby sleeps. No mention was made of the fact that breastfeeding reduces the risk of postpartum depression.

In this study, they practiced “rooming out” with the babies staying overnight in the hospital nursery for five nights while the mothers either pumped or gave their babies formula. They were then encouraged to follow the same practice at home.

I wonder about the results. Is the effect that they see really from an increase in sleep, or is it from other factors? Feeling “take care of”? Feeling like there is less of a burden on them? Being set up from the beginning to feel less of that immediate “life or death” need to care for their infants?

I know that in me, the postpartum depression that I felt was not because of a lack of sleep. I slept more in those days than I had in the last month of pregnancy. My bladder no longer required me to hop out of bed to pee every hour across the night, and my son would nurse quietly in his sleep as we co-slept, the hormones of nursing would lull me back to sleep.

With me, the postpartum depression came from the tremendous need to do right by my son. To be with him. To hold him. To answer his every cry. All the things that we are programmed as mammals to do. What made this depressing was the fact that I was not surrounded by supportive people that could also hold him and soothe him when he cried- I had a husband who gave up very easily. In-laws that my son was not fond of. And parents in another state. No one said to me that my only job was to breastfeed and be a mother. No one brought me snacks and water without my asking. No one did all of the things for me that are done for women in other cultures where postpartum depression is virtually non-existent. I was crushed by the pressure to continue doing all of the things that I had done before my son was born. Crushed by the pressure of caring for myself on top of caring for my son. Crushed by feelings of loneliness and ineptitude.

I think that perhaps those feelings of depression may have been lessened if I had not been so bonded with my son. If I had been able to put my needs first and follow that whole “Put your own air mask on before helping anyone else with theirs” mantra that assumes that if you are not healthy you cannot help anyone else.

There’s one problem with that. Giving birth is not a plane crash. We are not genetically programmed to be “manageable” as infants, nor are we genetically programmed to be hands-off. We’re herd animals that are intended to live within groups. And from groups, comes support.

Why can’t the study be done that shows that supportive family members reduce the risk of postpartum depression? Or even a study that shows that husbands that take up a bit more of the housework, or that bring the mom snacks and water.. Or even co-sleeping and babywearing. I bet all of those things reduce the risk of postpartum depression, too. And quite possibly by a greater margin than giving kids formula so that mom can get a bit of extra sleep.

“Toddlers Should Not Imitate Breastfeeding”

My son and I are visiting my parents, and today we drove my brother’s cat to the vet to have a growth in his ear checked out. Along the way, the cat was howling with anger of being cooped up.

My son imitated us saying “Its ok, Tigger. It’s Ok Tigger. Okay Tigger.” and making soothing sounds. He also suggested that Tigger might feel better if I were to nurse him, or if my son were to nurse him.

My son nurses his trucks, his dolls, his stuffed animals. He asks me to nurse them, too. He feeds them. He carries them around. He nurtures them.

My son is going to be an excellent father someday. While I’m sure that his desire to breastfeed will pass as he gets older and realizes that he doesn’t exactly have breasts.. The desire to nurture is very much a part of him. He will be involved. Loving. He is involved. He is loving. At two and a half years, he apologizes when he steps on the dog’s foot. He brings the animals water and food. And when they are in pain or scared, he talks to them. When my mother hurt herself, he told her that he was sorry she hurt herself, and he tried to make her feel better by patting her leg gently.

Today I read an article about a poster that a hospital had on display that showed a toddler nursing her doll.

“Deborah Winter, aged 39, noticed the poster when she was visiting her nine-week-old grandson Scott Bowker and called for the image to be immediately withdrawn. She said: “The picture is shocking and it isn’t normal. Children copy their parents but I don’t think any little girls should be breastfeeding their dolls.”

I respectfully disagree with Deborah Winter. More little girls should be breastfeeding their dolls. More little boys should suggest that maybe kitties would feel better if they were nursed. More children should have the drive to be empathetic, to be nurturing. More little girls should start out life with the deep ingrained understanding that our breasts are for sustaining life, for nourishing our children.

Maybe if we started out with this understanding, we’d be less prone to flaunt our breasts sexually. Maybe we’d be less prone to allow our bodies to be used. Maybe we’d reject the notion that breasts simply exist for the sexual pleasure of men. Maybe we’d pass on breastfeeding knowledge that promotes breastfeeding from generation to generation rather than each new mum having to learn it on her own. Maybe we’d pass on knowledge of HOW TO MAKE IT WORK instead of our current trend of passing on misinformation that leads to early weaning or that leads to supply failure.

Maybe if more little girls (and boys) nursed their dolls and stuffed animals, we’d grow up with a healthy respect for our bodies instead of growing up hating our bodies. Instead of wishing that we were 10lbs lighter, 5lbs heavier, bustier, slimmer, sexier, prettier.

Maybe just maybe we’d return to a healthier way of viewing our bodies, the bodies of our children, our mothers, and all of those that surround us.

I disagree very strongly with the idea that it’s somehow inappropriate for a child to breastfeed a doll. I can’t think of anything more positive, more appropriate, or sweeter.

Breastfeeding in the Beginning is Different from Breastfeeding at the End.

Sometimes I let myself think about what the other person must be thinking when I say that I still breastfeed my two and a half year old. A two year old looks so big, so independent. And since most people only have experience with babies that nurse as newborns or as 6 month olds, their idea of what “breastfeeding” means is very limited to a certain phase. A time consuming phase. A possibly painful phase. A phase of leaking, of engorgement, of panicking over low supply. Of diaper-counting, elimination diets, and night waking.

Nursing a two year old is very different. The parallel I always think of is that of picking your child up. Picking your child up when the child is an infant often means long periods of holding. You have to support the child’s head when the child is an infant. You have to carry them, hold them, and they want to be held constantly. A newborn does not sit on your hip or support his own weight when held. If someone stopped picking their child up when their child was 3 months old or 9 months old, they might look at someone with a two year old and say “You STILL pick the child up?” thinking about how difficult it must be to hold 36lbs of child. Thinking about how big and independent that two year old looks. Thinking about it through their own experience, where the “picking up” relationship ended very early when the child’s needs were very different. “But the child is strong now. Doesn’t it hurt when he punches you in the face when you pick him up?” they’ll ask, flashing back to the flailing newborn limbs.

With a two year old nursling, they imagine that the teeth bite just as the flailing limbs would hit. They imagine that the child nurses constantly, doesn’t consume food, and is intertwined with you as only a newborn can be.

Because that is what they have experienced.

But it’s not like that. The child nurses or doesn’t nurse. Accepts postponements (usually). Asks politely (usually) instead of wailing. The child seldom nurses for comfort anymore (at least my son), and usually only nurses a few times a day. My newborn son would nurse 8-12 times a day, or sometimes 15 times a day, and for long periods of time. 30 minutes, 40 minutes, and hour.. Two.. Nursing was a full time occupation some months.

A toddler doesn’t nurse that way. Even if he nurses frequently, it’s for shorter amounts of time. You can do other things when a toddler nurses because you’re not supporting all of their weight, you’re not focused on the latch, you’re not leaking and engorged. A nursing session may last 5 minutes, or it may last 3 minutes. But I can’t remember the last time that I nursed for 15 minutes or longer. I can’t remember the last time my son didn’t sleep through the night. I can’t remember the last time I was engorged, the last time I leaked. I can’t remember the last time he bit down while nursing.

Child-led weaning is gradual. Not only for the child, but for the mother. It goes the way all of childhood goes. Like sand through a sieve. Slowly. Feedings space out, disappear, the child separates and becomes independent. Weaning is a milestone that is reached slowly, not a sudden destination.

Nursing a two year old is very different from nursing a newborn. I imagine that nursing a three or four year old is different from nursing a two year old. Maybe I’ll find out what that’s like, or maybe my son will have weaned himself by then.

Whatever it is, I’m in no rush. I enjoyed nursing my infant, and I’m enjoying being here for my two year old. It’s not without its frustrations and embarrassments, but ultimately it’s worth it to witness this beautiful miracle of seeing my son toddle off to independence at his own darned pace.

Nursing in Public: Bad Paralells

Nursing in public is often compared to having sex in public, urinating or defecating in public, smoking cigarettes in public, or walking around in a trench coat flashing people.

These are bad paralells. Invalid. Nonsense.

Smoking in public means that everyone around you has to breathe in your smoke. Smoke that causes asthma attacks, aggravation of allergies, cancer. Smoke that lingers in your clothes and your hair, altering the smell of you until you take a shower or drop your jacket off to be dry cleaned. Smoking in public is invasive. Smoking in public is a vice, a bad habit, a drug addiction. I don’t mind it when smokers are considerate. The smoker that looks around before lighting up, moves when he notices that someone seems irritated by the smoke, and disposes of their butts in a safe and environmentally responsible way rather than tossing them wiley-nily over their shoulders into a passing baby carriage.

Breastfeeding does not involve breastmilk catching the currents of the wind and jumping 15 feet away to another table at the sidewalk cafe, and forcing its way into the noses and throats of the men, women and children sitting there. Breastmilk does not cause cancer or aggravate allergies and asthma. Breastmilk is not a vice, a bad habit or an addiction. It is healthy. It is the natural state of things. Breastfeeding is the antithesis of smoking in public. Children that are breastfed are less likely to come down with asthma, allergies, or childhood cancers. Besides, to avoid inhaling someone else’s smoke you must cover your mouth and nose, or abandon whatever it is that you’re doing and move away. If you’re able to. To avoid seeing a flash of breast while mom is breastfeeding, you simply move your eyes a fraction of a centimeter in any direction, and the problem is solved. Breastfeeding is non-invasive. Unless mom has deposited herself on your lap and is thrusting her breast in your face, you can avert your eyes. And if mom HAS done that, have you considered that you might have accidentally wandered into a topless bar? Because I’ve never once seen a breastfeeding mom give someone a lapdance.

Having sex in public.. One of the issues that we have today is that our children are exposed to too much sexuality. To little self control. Too much focus on our genitals and instant pleasure. We are not a culture of waiting, of being patient. We’re the culture of a quickie. Having sex freely in public sends a message to children that would not be healthy. That would increase the number of unintended pregnancies, that would lower the average age at which children have sex.

Breastfeeding in public, on the other hand, exposes children to a different message. One of prioritizing the needs of infants. One of tenderness, nourishment, nutrition. One that says “This body part is not simply a silicone-enhanced bouncy toy for boys, it is for babies. It is comfort. It is nutrition. It is a safe place for the youngest and most vulnerable infants. Breastfeeding in public says that our bodies are for wholesome things. For supporting the life of our children. Breastfeeding in public is the antithesis of having sex in public. It is the antithesis of the selfishness, the sexualization of our bodies, the “me” culture. It is about nourishing. It reminds us what our bodies are here for.

Urinating and defecating in public? Oh good grief. Are these people serious? First off, feces carry illness, disease and parasites. They attract flies and maggots. Feces and urine smell, stain, and generally deface the environment and are hard to clean up. Have you ever been in a subway station or back alley of New York City? Have you ever been in the bathroom of a gas station or your local Starbucks? That ever-pleasant stench of portapotty is what would linger everywhere were people to urinate and defecate in public. It would stick to your clothes, burn your eyes and throat, and stick to your shoes. Not to mention that it is a public health menace.

Breastfeeding has no odor. Breastfeeding leaves no bodily fluids behind. Breastfeeding is healthy, sanitary. Breastfeeding helps PREVENT the spread of disease by ensuring that infants have antibodies in their systems.

As for exhibitionists, it comes down to intent. A breastfeeding mother that accidentally flashes a nipple when the baby pops off is not intending to get off sexually by exposing herself.  She’s feeding her infant. Even IF mom “could be more discrete” or is intentionally being less discrete or simply doesn’t care about being discrete, her PRIMARY intention is to feed her child.

If you’re going to draw parallels  between breastfeeding and other things that we do or do not do in public, at least make sure that they’re accurate. If you hear someone say “It’s like…” and you don’t actually examine in your head WHY that thing is so damned offensive. If you do that, you’ll very quickly realize that the same reason does NOT apply to breastfeeding.

Fun Things With Stats

Sometimes its fun to see how people are arriving here.

Apparently “parenting magazine may 2009″ has us as the fourth google search result. So people get to read all about how agitated I became when I read a little section of the magazine that cavalierly suggested that parents supplement with formula..

Apparently we’re the number 5 result for “perchlorate in breast milk”, making our post on “Rocket Fuel in Breastmilk?“  one of the top results. Happily, too. Other than Kellymom, it seems like the rest of the posts are rather vague on what it means to parents. (And yes, I know. Perchlorate is NOT rocket fuel. It would be better termed “thyroid medication”. And it’s naturally occuring in nature.. blah blah etc. I used the term “rocket fuel” because that is how most news outlets are using it, and how most people will remember it.)

On the less proud side of things.. Moms searching for “Mastitis while weaning” are very likely to be treated to my PMS-induced diatribe on why it’s a bad idea to continue to skip feedings while trying to wean, and my outright refusal to give generic weaning advice. Oops.

Then back to the “good”. Moms that are curious about “Breastfeeding Time Commitment” will land on my post about “The Case Against Breastfeeding: Time Drain” which is the second search result for that set of terms. It’s a bit cantankerous, but it talks about how the “time drain” is just in the beginning, and how from about 8 weeks on it was not much of a time drain at all. Good. Unfortunately this is the number one result: Breast/Bottle Feeding @ kidshealth.org I firmly believe that formula should be considered less of a “choice” and more of a medical intervention. People treat it too casually.

Then there’s the awesomeness of this post being the second result for “pumping so dad can feed”. Even more awesome, the top post also talks about the OTHER ways that baby can bond. The third post, unfortunately, goes back to the idea that “mom can pump”. Ugh.

Then there are quite a few people that come here looking for why their baby might be screaming at the breast, or how to help nipple pain. Or what to do when your baby bites. I hope that they found some helpful information here.

Some search terms made me sad. “weaning 5 month old what snacks instead” brought one visitor to my post about my 28 month old nursling. I can’t imagine what someone might think when they’re googling what snacks to give a 5 month old while weaning. I hadn’t even started solids at that point, let alone “snacks”. I also get quite a few hits for people looking for what to do if their baby is screaming while being bottle fed. (Which I don’t really cover… But… Make sure that the baby is not allergic to the formula. If baby is allergic it might be making her mouth itchy and sore, or making her airways swell. Make sure baby is sitting as upright as possible so that the milk flows more slowly. Make sure you’re using an age-appropriate nipple so that baby isn’t choking on the fast flow of the nipple. Try burping baby to make sure that baby isn’t gassy. Consider that baby MIGHT NOT BE HUNGRY. Over-feeding at the bottle is common. Forcing a baby to eat more when baby does not want to eat more is bad and conditions the baby to overeating. If the baby is usually breastfed, re-evaluate why you are using a bottle in the first place. If possible, resume exclusive breastfeeding, pump instead of using infant formula, or try a SNS attached to a finger instead of a bottle.)